when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
