How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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