Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
God I need to hump something, right now.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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