We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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