I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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