Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
