After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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