did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
