I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
