my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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