Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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