GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
