You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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