i may or may not be watching the land before time
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
