Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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