Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
