I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
