Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
