So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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