Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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