could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
