I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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