There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
