you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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