Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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