The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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