dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
MIDGETS
????
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
