So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
