great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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