I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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