im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
