Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
