Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
