did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
