Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
