It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
