So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize