see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
