I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you win again, gameday.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
