dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
