I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
What a dumb baby whore.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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