For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
