bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
