Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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