just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize