He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
