he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Let's get the cat blown out
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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