She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
