Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
