the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
