If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
