just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize
