Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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