Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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