Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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