you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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