When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
