omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
