i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
