Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
