Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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