he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
