my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wish you could order shots online.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize