I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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