i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
