Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize