OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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