Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
