U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
