When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
