so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
