did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
