Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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