maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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