it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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