Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
