Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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