you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
