I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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