I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
