i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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