I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Randomize
