you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
3 2 1 whiskey
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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