We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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